Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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