I'm going to jail i love you
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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