I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
