I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
