dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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