R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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