Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
