around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
