I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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