A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
