But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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