I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
