just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
