he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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