I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
