I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
