Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
