if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Sex in the backyard? Check.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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