being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
