no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
