end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
