I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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