Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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