My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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