So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
