my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
