some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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