I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
