Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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