I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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