At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
