Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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