Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
