allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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