This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I need to wash the frat house off of me
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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