Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize