That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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