haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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