I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize