I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
