My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
