It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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