i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
