Screwed.edu
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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