Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize