why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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