I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
