I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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