Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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