Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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