I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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