Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
