if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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