But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
