Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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