brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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