I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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