Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
