I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
