The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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