She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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