youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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