I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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