I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
