i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
