Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
