i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
