So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
