Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
